Let’s think about this scenario. You are a parent, and life is busy and demanding. Between school, homework, work, home and the hope to find a little space in your week for your own self-care and downtime, there is much juggling. You may notice your little one being more withdrawn than usual, you may witness displays of big emotions, sleep disturbances or reluctance to get into school. Alternatively, your teen who seemed happy to participate in family life is now spending most of their time in their bedroom. When you try to chat about what you are noticing, they are snappy, (self) critical, appear anxious or despondent.
Life can be hard at any age. Often, issues settle down with time, a chat with a compassionate adult, a supportive group of peers. Sometimes, however, issues seem to perdure and you watch your child losing their spark, their energy and disengaging from family, friends and school. That is when the support of a professional counsellor may be worth considering. At Cogwheel, we offer in-person play- and arts-based therapy for children and young people (CYP). Through creating a safe space to explore and process challenges, a CYP counsellor will facilitate therapeutic work by offering a variety of means of expression using sand tray work, clay, paints, puppets, therapeutic cards and much more. Of course, talking is part of the process and may be the primary mode of expression for teenagers but there are many other options.
Adjusting to the idea of seeing a professional may be welcome for some, while for others there may be some resistance. Young people may experience the suggestion as a judgement or criticism and may feel shame and anger at struggling to manage this for themselves. It may take time to warm to the idea and see the positives beyond the preconceptions that having counselling means there is a deficiency, a deficit, a fault of some kind. Patience, support and understanding are key. Counselling is most effective when the client, your child, is a willing and active participant. Whilst we offer up to twenty counselling sessions, committing to just a few to try this out may be an acceptable way to dip a toe in without feeling overwhelmed. It may be though that now is not the right time just yet. Coming back to this option in the future will be the most sensible option.
If you decide to go ahead, the process will start with an online self-referral and a registration conversation. If it seems Cogwheel would be a suitable organisation, an assessment will be arranged. This spans over two fifty-minute sessions. For younger children, the referring adult will come on their own for the first assessment and will bring their child for the second. Older children and teens will come with their parent/guardian for the first assessment and on their own for the second. Provided everyone agrees, the counselling sessions will start the following week to create a sense of continuity and progress. At regular intervals, you will be invited to parent meetings to discuss progress, share concerns and check in. Throughout your journey with Cogwheel, there are always opportunities to ask questions.
Finally, it can be tempting to ask your young person questions about how counselling is going or what they have been doing in their sessions. Your child will naturally share when they are ready to share and any felt sense of pressure to open up they may have could be counterproductive in terms of their engagement with the counselling work. Be assured that if your counsellor has any serious concerns, these will be shared with you.
It takes great courage at any age to open up and share vulnerabilities, fears or challenges with another person. It is worth keeping in mind how life-changing counselling can be at times. You may have your own experience of this or know someone for whom therapy has made a significant difference. The tangible benefits for your child may be around helping them make sense of their thoughts, feelings and actions but also of their world. They may develop a better understanding of how their brains and minds work and integrate new ways of coping with difficult situations or experiences and powerful emotions. These are just a few examples of the impact of counselling. The process will be specific to each young person and their needs, as well as their goals and what they are hoping to change. No issue is too big or too small and, whilst Cogwheel is a generalist service working with mild and moderate issues, we will support you to find the best way forward whether it involves Cogwheel or not.
